Attempt at the chimney; I'm not a mason.

One things that's been bugging me is the back chimney upstairs. It's one of the last things that really needs to be done on the second floor, and I just wanted to get it done. I had done a bunch of research and talked to Ian about how to deal with a plastered chimney. Heck, I even emailed  "This Old House" about it. I never heard back. I guess my head shot didn't do it for them (Yes, you need to submit a head shot when you submit your project.)

I went around the corner to the local masonry supply place. I won't disparage them online, but once this project is done I will never patronize them again. I walked in (masked, it's still a pandemic despite everyone's hopeful wishes), and got an exasperated and annoyed look from the older man behind the counter. There was a younger man and a younger woman also behind the counter, but they were busy with other customers. I wound up with the Unmasked Grumpy Old Man Who Didn't Have Time for a Home Owning Dilettante Middle Aged Woman.

I politely introduced myself and explained what I was looking for. "I'm looking to fix my chimney, and I'm told I should use a product called Structolite". I said. "We don't carry that," he replied, in the annoyed "you're wasting my time, girly" tone every woman knows.
I should have politely left at this point, but I wanted to just deal with the damned chimney, and this guy was between me and that goal.
I switched tactics and decided to beat him up with my brain, which is not a thing I like doing, but I dislike condescending Old Men more.

"Ok, look. I'm looking to repair a parged chimney, installed in the house when it was renovated sometime around 1860, capped off last year. It was always a coal-fired fuel source, and leaches residual scents. It's exposed on 4 sides in a 2nd floor bedroom. At some point suffered water damage, probably from a leaking roof. As a result the brown coat and the fine coat have deteriorated and have let go in some sections, leading to a patchy look and possible lead exposure that I would like to encapsulate."
He had the good grace to loose a little of the attitude. Certainly not all, but some.
"Oh. Well. I guess we have this stuff over here you can use." And he took me over to a shelf that held little 1 gallon buckets of something called "InsulStick". I looked mildly doubious. "Is it trowelable? Can it be smoothed? Is it paintable?"
"Yes, yes, it's similar to the other stuff you wanted." he muttered.

It was at this moment I hit the point that other women also know. The "Let's Throw Money At This Situation So I Can Get the Eff Out of Here and Away From This Jackass" point. It's a weird place where you're tired of trying to remain steadfast in your needs, are trying to salvage your time and still move the project forward. This very point of frustration is also how I wound up with a fridge and washer/dryer that I wasn't in love with.

I bought the dubious bucket of stuff, got the heck out, and set it aside where it mocked me.
I now had $30 invested in this fiasco. The situation stung, but here I was.

This past weekend I got the bucket out and read it carefully.
Bush existing Masonry well. Check.
Moisten the existing masonry surface. Check.
Mix 3-4 cups of water with product for handpacking. Ok.... Well, this is a vertical surface, so I wanted it stiffer and not liquidy. I started with 3. I quickly added another 1/2 cup. Mixing in the bucket provided was difficult, and in the end it didn't wind up mixing consistently.
I had my trowel and a float - I find the hawk is too big and my wrist strength is pitiful, so I use a float as a hawk. I loaded up my little float-hawk and start smooshing it on. I mean, really, I'm smooshing mud on a surface, this shouldn't be all that difficult.
Except it was. This mud was full of largish particulates. It did not want to work. It was super rough and could not be smoothed. I persevered, and toward the end added more water to what was left. That made it a little better, but I'm left with a finish that looks exactly like what the jackass at the masonry store would expect out of middle-aged-white-woman me, and that chaps my... butt.

Also, the tiny bucket only did about a 1/4 of the job. So now I have to go back to a place I never want to go back to and get more.

Where the plaster has been falling off. The top is where I've already moistened it.

Halfway through moistening one side. I only intend to do the two sides facing out into the room, though technically it's exposed on all four. I can't get my arm in that 4th side.

I started applying it from the top down, when maybe I should have applied from the bottom up.
This is as flat as I could get the finish. It resisted feathering.

Here we are the next morning - you can see where I had to stop because I ran out. It's drying very dark, which leads me to think there's a TON of portland cement in it.

So there's where I'm at. I won't be surprised at all if this whole thing falls right off the chimney in one big cementy slab. There's no bonding agent as far as I can tell, so the old brown coat behind it is likely to just let go at some point. 

It looks... better? Sort of? If you like unintentionally rustic?

My next step is to get a couple more buckets of the stuff, mix it thinner in my kitty-litter pan, not the bucket, and give it another go. Maybe a thin coat will smooth it out some.